It may be a couple of things, not at all unhealthy:
1. You are a work in progress, so to speak. You feel yourself constantly growing and changing from within and therefore certain friendships tend to grow “stale”, to reach the limit of their shelf life. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that I am always trying to improve certain aspects of myself while others whom I’ve known for a while just become “stuck”—they do not grow in any way. You cannot be expected to feel a connection where there simply isn’t one.
2. You are a less-is-more type. I am this as well. I have always been baffled/impressed/confused by people who claim to have “dozens” of friends. I myself just could not keep up. I haven’t the time or the emotional energy to “take care” of so many. In my friendships I like profondity—not just shopping partners or friends to gossip with—but people with whom I can really talk about the nitty gritty of existence, history, politics, past, present, future. Not all people are so “intellectually” inclined and that can feel empty.
3. You’ve been burned in the past. It might have happened that you opened up to a friend and later had whatever you confessed thrown back at you in the form of a criticism/personal comment. These things sting and do not easily heal. When it happens a few times, then of course you will be wary about giving yourself emotionally to others.
4. You are truly an independent personality. You just do not want to be “categorized”. I am like this. I do not belong to any “circles”, groups or communities of any sort—-I am sort of a lone electron seeking her charge from other individuals, regardless of affiliations and identities. I was never, in school, part of any clique, for example. This made me somewhat withdrawn then, but today, as an adult, it makes me feel that I can “transcend” any “clique”. It has allowed me to make, for example, friends from different countries, cultures….what have you.
5. You are a guy’s girl. Always a bit of a problem. I have a small core group of women friends (about 4), whom I do not see all of the time. I adore them, and we click on all the right levels. However, what I am happy to have avoided with them—and what I will always want to avoid with lady friends—is to be tied to them like they are the source of my identity and support. Also, I just cannot stand the tendency of so many women to talk endlessly about “relationships” and to b*tch about men. It makes my skin crawl. Luckily, my friends and I don’t sit in bars and share grievances, nor do we spend hours on the phone doing the same. I can’t. I won’t. Furthermore, in many ways I prefer the company of men because the range of topics they discuss is often “broader” than just the urgencies of the day, the hour. For example, I know that if I were the fifth character on the show “Sex and the City” and had to endure those gossipy, whiney, lunches of the other four, I would have long ago jumped off the Empire State Building. No, really.
6. You haven’t met “The One” in terms of a true friend. Your “bored aloofness” might be for real. You just might not have yet found the right female friend with whom you share the right personality connection. This kind of thing takes time, but usually “Birds of a Feather” do tend to find each each other. A loner is someone on the search for his or her spiritual equal. That is all it is.
All in all, do not worry. That you see this as something you wish to change in your life is proof enough that you are eager to go out with and open heart and mind to find the friends you deserve.